I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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