It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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