Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
