She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
