I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
