Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
