she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
