it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
sex in a hospital.. check
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
