You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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