she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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