Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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