Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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