i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
