You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
