So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
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There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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