Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Your cock deserves a montage
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
