that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
