hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Its about making memories worth repressing
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
