We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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