It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
