I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
His nipple licking is glorious
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