I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
