doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
