so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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