i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
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i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
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i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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