Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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