OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
