dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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