bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
