Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
