Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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