I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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