Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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