This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
