I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
