listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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