My boss' voice literally gives me gas
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
