he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
