you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
