Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
