waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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