nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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