i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there's paper in my vomit.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
