You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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