Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
