Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
