Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
