I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
