I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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