Don't make out with my wife yet
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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