Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
