my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Randomize
