just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Shame - the story of my life.
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