thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
