I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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