Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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