Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
