my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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