When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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