At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
