I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
