Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
