Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
