If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
