Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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