Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
