I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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