I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
