1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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