haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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