i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
