Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
