OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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