I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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