from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
