theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
