His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
