I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
