new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Come share oat with me in your robe
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
