i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
