i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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