Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
