best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
