why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
