this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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