do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
