chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
